RealNetworks, Starz Launch Online Movie Service: “Digital media company RealNetworks Inc. and Starz Encore Group launched an online flat-rate movie download service on Monday, more than a year later than planned, hoping to tap into the growth of broadband Internet access and user demand for online movies.”
Yay, now I can watch shitty overplayed movies on my computer, for another fee on top of my already SKY HIGH cable bill! Woo-Hoo!
Police nab suspected burglar in Sears: “A 40-year-old Shreveport man faces a burglary charge after allegedly spending the night in Sears, forcing the Mall St. Vincent store to delay opening for more than five hours Thursday, according to Shreveport police.”
MSNBC – ‘Countdown with Keith Olbermann’ for June 10: “Amazing news this week as scientists around the world have dropped whatever meaningless research they were doing on humans to focus on the city of Berlin, Germany and “Rico,â€Â? the world‘s smartest dog. Good boy. Who‘s a lucky dog? Who‘s a lucky doggie? That‘s right. Researchers say Rico the Collie, shown here, can actually understand human language and can remember the names of over 200 objects. They say he shows the language comprehension skills of a 3-year-old child. The creatively named science journal, “Science,â€Â? which published the Rico study, thinks this could just be the first step, quote, “We wonder what prevents animals from speaking.â€Â? Maybe they just don‘t have anything to say to scientists. Rico, they say, is loving all of this attention, hamming it up for the camera, but he really likes to spend most of the days at home playing fetch, doing “New York Timesâ€Â? cross word puzzle, and licking himself. ”
Killed by bar stunt: “A WAITRESS could face life in jail after allegedly persuading a drunk to run headfirst into a wall.”
The $744 Power Cord: “Remember when your mom made you feel guilty about not liking your toys when there were starving children in Alabama or something? Sure, it made no sense, but she was already half-mad from a world that can develop $744 ‘Golden Reference Power Cords with Built-in Filtration.’ It’s unbelievable, I know, but I have it on good word that every time a gullible audiophile buys one of these cords the company ritually slaughters a whole tribe of African natives, entwining the sloughed-off spirits into the ‘patented stranded conductor geometry based on the Golden Ratio.’”
Calif. Man Sentence for Attacking Parrot: “A man who attacked his pet macaw, breaking its beak and leg, must complete 120 days of community service and take anger management classes, a judge ruled Friday. “
HOT TOMATOES:”City officials on Friday shut down a two-family home they said was doubling as a brothel and makeshift market for produce and pornography.
When police arrived Friday, they found shelves packed with shriveled onions, garlic gloves, rotting mangoes and bananas. A scale hung over an empty cash register.
Movies and Latin CDs lined the walls and pornographic videos were tucked behind a curtain.”
