Bestiality? No, the animal is dead
This post was published 3 years 5 days ago and its content may not be valid anymore.Accused of bestiality? Don’t sweat it. Use the fact that the animal was dead stating that a dead [insert animal name] is no longer an animal. Sly lawyers, they’re like magic.
A man is accused of having sex with the carcass of a deer that he found lying beside the road – but his lawyer denies that he committed bestiality, on the grounds that a dead deer isn’t an animal any more.
20-year-old Bryan James Hathaway of Superior, Wisconsin allegedly had sex with the deer corpse after he found it on the roadside on October 11 this year. Authorities say he told police that he noticed the deer lying in a ditch, and then moved the corpse into the woods.
He is charged with ’sexual gratification with an animal’ – but in a magnificent piece of legal footwork, his attorney argues that he can’t be guilty of that crime, because a carcass isn’t an animal, the Duluth News Tribune reports.
Strange? Heard of anything stranger than a 20-year old having nothing else to do but drag a carcass into the bush to have at it? Curiosity seems to have gotten the best of this guy.
There was a story just like this in the Pittsburgh Post Gazette about a dozen years ago or so. It was titled, “Man Admits to Having Sex with Dead Deer.” The guy had also found some roadkill and drag it home. A few days later, the neighbors called the police because of the smell eminating from this guy’s place. When the cops came in, they found that he had eaten part of the deer and immediately admited to mounting the dead animal (pun intended).
Animal necrophelia… “I’m sorry, your honor, I didn’t realize the deer was dead when I was f+++ing it!”
Ugh
That’s just wrong!! People wonder where Larry the Cable Guy gets his jokes…people think they are jokes…little do they know.
There’s plenty of fat chicks in the world, they need loving too! Skip the deer, and head for weight watchers.
At what point did that seem like a good idea?
I mean, had he killed the deer himself, maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t be quite so grossed out, but that he just decided to nail a deer that was already dead and laying on the side of the road? WTF?
It was bestiality that killed the cat.
It’s hard to imagine somebody looking at a dead dear on the side of the road thinking to themselves, “Phwoar, yeah! Oh, look at that. Yeah, oh yeah! I want some of THAT!”
…and then actually DOING something about it! HAhaha! Gross.
See what happens when 20-year-old upper midwesterners are not going to college. They have nothing better to do.