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Someone please feature this guy on the Worlds Stupidest Criminals TV show. Does that show even exist? If it doesn’t, Fox should definitely pick it up. They can add it to their repertoire of subpar reality based television shows. I mean, I could have told this guy that there were two serious problems with his plan to smuggle $100,000 worth of heroin stateside. First of all, don’t superglue 40 individually wrapped packets to your head. That gives you no option for dropping the stuff (if you did manage to escape lockdown).

“Because he used superglue, they took him to a medical facility to have it removed,” said Officer Jennifer Conners. “Even at that, it pulled out the hair wherever they removed a package, so he ended up looking like a spotted cat.

Second, you’re 19 years old. Who in their right mind is going to believe that toupe is real hair?

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