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Yes, it is a book proposal from that bumbling moron Sammy (The Apprentice), however this except can best be directed to some people I know…

Courtesy of The Gawker.

Wash Your Hands

More often than not, I witness people departing the restroom without washing their hands. If I observe a potential client or partner pass the sink without stopping on the way out of the bathroom, they just lost the deal. Such extremism may sound like crazy talk, but I feel strongly that he who has dirty hands has major personal and professional shortcomings as well. Let the dirty handed folks do business with one another. I wash my hands of them.

There are so many unnecessary germs because people do not wash hands when departing the bathroom. I have made a habit of washing my hands before and after eating a meal. There is no substitute for cleanliness in all areas of life. And the time has come to celebrate germophobia. Do not touch doorknobs, exchange cash, fill the gas tank, or shake hands without a follow-up visit to the sink. Clean hands are the cornerstone of a successful personal and professional life.

If I visit a restaurant or other establishment and the bathroom does not have soap, I will never step foot in that place again. And if I discover the absence before eating the meal, I will promptly walk out never to return. If I’m really fuming, I may even neglect to collect my guests on the way out. There are no second chances. No soap, no patronage.

A helpful list of when to wash hands:

After using the bathroom

Prior to leaving home

Upon returning home

Prior to eating a meal

After eating a meal

After shaking hands

After touching a door knob

After exchanging money for having purchased food

After filling the gas tank

Prior to placing groceries in the kitchen cabinets

Prior to going to bed

Upon awakening in the morning

After wiping away excess oil from the forehead or nose

After picking your nose

After sneezing

Prior to sex

After sex

After peeing in the woods (find a nearby stream for a quick rinse)

After picking up change dropped on the sidewalk

After lacing up shoes

After a game of cards

After departing a taxicab

After using the subway

Prior to reading this book

Sam’s Tip for Thinking Outside the Box:

Wash your hands or stay the hell away from me.

Full Story:

Sam Solovey’s Book Proposal: “A $1000 Cup of Lemonade”