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Contest: Personals Ads – Who does these things?

Friendly reminder to get your contest entries in. Nine more days until a winner is announced.

I apologize in advance if this post or anything I say offends anyone who relies on internet dating services.

Pathetic Personals is an example of the lameness of the whole internet dating phenomenon. Can we even call it that? I see television commercials for services like e-Harmony all the time. It makes me wonder if our society will transform into nothing more then electronic faces to one another on the computer screen. No more random pick-up lines, no more physical flirting, no more attempts at getting that attractive individuals attention sitting across from you… no more BEER goggle influenced one night stands! The transition is already happening… Everything is going to be electronic. Instead of “want to meet for happy hour?” it’ll be “meet me on Skype in an hour yah!!!”

Until we finally make that full transition to electronic dating minus any introductory physical contact, let’s all gather around the computer screen and laugh at Pathetic Personals. Most of the ads are from the Yahoo! Personal ads. If you don’t want to register… browse through the personal ads on Craigslist.

I’ll dedicate a post and possibly some sort of prize to whoever creates the most humorous “personal ad” in the comments section. You have to make me laugh hard enough to pop my spleen. Extra points for posts with pics (shop’d or not). We’ll see if we can find you a match :) If not I’ll personally buy you a drink(s) if you’re somewhere near me.

Note: If you’re wondering what the prize is… Do you always know what’s going to fall out of the Piñata when you hit it with the stick? This ones stuffed with a 256MB USB thumbdrive, “My mom thinks I’m cool” t-shirt (cuz that’s all that matters right?), or a $50 Threadless gift certificate.

Update: There must be at least 3 people that enter for a prize to be handed out. Otherwise, the only recognition will be a dedicated post for your humiliating personal ad.

Update 2: One entry per person only. Contest winner will be announced on August 17th.

Update 3: As per request from a few different readers I’ve extended the contest to the end of August. Entries will be accepted as late as August 31st. Winner will be announced a few days after that.

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  • http://waquestions.blogspot.com Eric Cranston

    Here’s a couple of examples (note this is not my entry)

    I’m a 32 year old computer geek who lives in my mother’s basement. I own everything star wars ever and I have memorized the script from every star trek episode. I get ladies a lot…my 300 pound dead sexy body is hard to resist…but they just aren’t good enough for me…are you good enough
    for me? Can you quote Star Trek episode 34 in your sleep?!! Can you?! If so give me a call…my mom’s gonna be away for a couple of weeks…maybe you can come over and look at my star wars bling and wang

    Hey all ya guys and girls…I’m a 300 pound bisexual transvestie. I love everyone….right up from birth…so age doesn’t matter. If you
    like wild times I’ll take you to this alley and we can have some fun with some bums. Oh ya and I’m a police officer…Officer Mc.Jim . I have a police dog…we’ve had some fun times me and that dog….you can join in? if you want…I mean I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to…it’s a nice dog. So anyways don’t be shy and call me…

  • Derek

    Interesting examples there Eric..

    Anyone else?

  • stephen

    ok, ill think of something, then get back to you

  • T. M. Tracy

    My name is Tim and I’m a 41 year old Leo from down south. I enjoy long walks in the park, dandy lions, and waffles. I am addicted to motivational tapes and Dr. Phill. Nothing kindles my fire more than butter pecan ice cream and Dr. Phill. If you look like Dr. Phill or can do a good role play, then I’m for you. If you like a little to hang on to, then jump on. I need someone to replace my mother. Ever since the “change”, we just don’t have the same spark. She can’t look at me now that I look just like Dr. Phill. When I went through my Dave Thomas phase, she started to worry and we had to take some time off. If you can do a hot and spicy Dr. Phill, then come psycoanalize this hunk of a Doctor. Just be sure you can take it as well as you can dish it out.

  • http://samureye.blogspot.com samureye

    Wanted, someone not too picky.

    Ladies, set your phasers to stun, my name is Enus, and I really need some companionship, I would really appreciate it if you could take the time to probably send me an email or something. I haven’t fared too well in terms of dating in the past, in fact, to be honest, I’ve failed at any and every attempt at social interaction that I come across. Case in point; I was told that to stick out, I should do something out of the ordinary, and when I say told, I read it off of a forum posting. Either way, having no friends to help me out, I made a bad decision by going to church and when going to take the wine at communion, took the cup and put a brightly colored twisty straw in and began gulping. Needless to say, I don’t go for service there anymore. I’m not even looking for a date, or marriage, though that would be nice. I’m looking not even for a friend, but for someone that will tolerate me. Ladies, I’m a short pudgy man with severe acne whose credo is to “live long and prosper.� I’m a provider because I’m a level 32 in World Of Warcraft and I know where to get the best auctioned goods at in the game. You know you can feel safe with me because I know the Vulcan deathgrip. It’s up to you, don’t let this opportunity go to waste. Please call me at 555-8789, but don’t call during the hours of 12-3 because Star Trek is on and don’t call after 6 p.m because that’s when mom says that is when the lights must go out. I’m artistic, I can do just about any picture in ASCII and in my free time I make forum avatars for others. I’m well rounded because I do jazzersize every fortnight. Let me be the moderator to your forum.

    Can i get an email or something so i know you’ve read this?
    -samureye@gmail.com

  • Ronald

    I’m pretty sure I can’t use img tags to paste an image into my post so here’s the link:
    http://img354.imageshack.us/img354/4271/guypill8ye.jpg

    Let me know who the winner is. Thanks. rdavidsons@gmail.com.

  • maouse

    S.A.M. – Seeks S.A.F. for fun nights online.

    I’m not pretty. I’m not thin. But that’s not bad when the lights go out. This 64 Year old likes to play internet games and get his character married. If you can handle that level of commitment, maybe we can meet. Then we can get our bytes off. If not, we’ll always have Evercrack…err… EverQuest. My other hobbies include bowling and trolling. No spammers, please.

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